spinal kicks and repetitive dreams
In general, I’m not a paranoid sort of person, especially about physical stuff, and so far I haven’t been paranoid about pregnancy stuff either, but Saturday proved to be an exception.
After going to bed on Friday night, I felt like the foetus was kicking at my spine; it felt like instead of lying cross-ways – like, hip to hip – or head up or down (like in the picture), it was lying with its head at my belly button and feet at my spine. It just didn’t feel right. Also, whereas I can usually feel the kicks somewhere below my belly button, these felt much deeper, and further back.
I got up and moved around and jumped up and down and did the twist to try to encourage it to return to a position that felt more normal, but it didn’t seem to help. The whole night my belly felt uncomfortable, in a way that it hadn’t before. I had a very disturbed sleep and a few of the (now usual) strange dreams.
(To digress for a second – my dreams are getting sort of obsessive-compulsive. I’ll dream the same thing over and over (in a night, not over a series of nights), or the same lyrics of a song and dream that I’m trying to understand them over and over, or imagine the same unsolvable problem and try to figure out how to deal with it … over and over. Maybe it’s my subconscious responding to the changes that are happening in my body and life, and the dreams are a way of reinstating some same-ness into my life. It’s just a theory. They’re frustrating dreams anyway, real Sisyphus stuff of toiling and toiling and not getting anywhere.)
Anyway, in the morning I was still quite uncomfortable, and I couldn’t remember having felt any recent kicks … and then I started worrying: if it dies, will I immediately start cramping and bleeding, or could it stay in there and I wouldn’t even realise until the next ultrasound? Was I irresponsible not to call a doctor when I felt the spinal kicks? Did it get wrapped up in the cord and asphyxiate? Is it stuck in a bad position and going to be maimed for life? What did I do wrong? Will I be able to get pregnant again?
As I was describing my discomfort and fears to my Mr, though, I felt a kick. Although I hadn’t yet descended into a total panic, I was very relieved to feel life inside again. Crisis averted! Or, rather: totally imagined crisis subsequently established as having no basis in reality. A relief anyway. And next time I feel my spine being kicked, I won’t worry that it’s a sign of death throes.
Right now I’m only at 22 weeks. I’m sure that in the coming months, the types of discomfort will change, and the levels will increase, and I guess I’m going to have to come to terms with the fact that my discomfort doesn’t necessarily translate to an actual problem, and that it’s just a fact of life during pregnancy.
Entry filed under: pregnant life.